My thoughts and dreams,...

I found some baby panthers one day while walking in the beautiful outside. They were hungry so I fed them and they seemed scared. Scared and lonely enough to follow me so I let them. They were very loving and kind, eager to be loved the two of them. They followed me home and became like members of our family, for how long I'm not too sure but we did everything together, my children and our two beautiful panthers.The house we were in seemed so tiny at first almost congested like we were in a small old fashioned van. Then one day as we were all sleeping I heard one scrambling so I opened the door and he seemed afraid to exit so I gave him a tiny, okay a kinda big push. After I pushed the kitty/panther out I realized it was no longer as small as before. In fact it was huge in a gigantic way, almost colossal it seemed before me. I finally became clear to me that this was not the same baby panther I found and loved so. This panther was the momma, she was very aware of my presence a...

I can not sleep, my heart hurts too badly. I lay awake thinking endlessly into the morning hours. Sometimes I think of everything I have yet to do, or the bills to pay. Most times I replay all the mistakes Ive made throughout the day. Sometimes I replay a mistake over and over.. I feel my light weakening, dying out, fading, I am broken. I wish I were stronger. I wish I werent losing what little of me is left, I am a shell! A hollow ball of emptiness and pain. Thinking is my nemesis and procrastination has become my worst enemy. I have countless regrets yet I continue to make mistakes. I lose everything that is dear to me and it tears me apart. Life has become a foreboding memory, I am ashes from the fire, the wind sweeps me away into nothingness, I feel scattered! Time has waged a war that kills us all. I want to go home but I dont want to leave my hearts, what will they remember? What songs will remind them of me? Will they be mad at me? Will they love me? Will they know truly, ...

Life is a battlefield! Each day comes with new battles. It seems to circle back to that statement  in many aspects and times in our lives. We can also all point to a time in our lives and remember that there seemed to be no hope or solution to a problem. But what we must always remember is that without rain and storms we may not always appreciate the sunny days that are always waiting, there to shine. But in order to get back to that oasis of rest and enjoyment we endure, overcome, learn and grow. Sometimes it's not always easy to get thorough these mountains and valleys but low and behold there is always a lesson to be learned. So whether it is raining or pouring, a frightening thunderstorm, an angry hurricane, or even a destructive tsunami. The battles we face shape us into the people we become. Teaching us to learn from our mistakes and even others mistakes once we catch on to the vicious cycle that never ceases. Our battles we may face come in many shapes, forms and si...

So much has changed. My baby has gone home to heaven. I didn't know it would be this way. I'm tired of hopelessness and sorrow. They say time heals all wounds. My wounds feel heavier as time passes. A part of me has died too. I can never be who I was, not truly. I miss him so much!

I thought I had seen and felt the worst.... It turns out the worst was yet to come. We've had our ups and downs, victory's and losses, man do the losses hurt. Especially when it's those you love most! It's not like it gets easier with each day, each memory, each moment, each hour, each minute, each second,.... it all seems to be flying by without brakes. Before life seemed to be a stroll, a brisk walk even, now time drifts and sways, around corners and speeding up at straight ways, until the next foreboding crash, it eventually ends for us all. This I am sure of. But with each sunrise there seems to be a new hope, a chance, a smile, a laugh, a giggle, sweet moments get me by! Memories flood like tears, yet there always seems to be a bit of sunshine within the rain. A new day, a reason to stay... Life has been a trip! Luggage seems to slow you down. Travel lightly and make each moment count! Live, Laugh and Love! Be Kind, Courageous...

Balance: (n.) mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgement, etc. Life is a series of ups and downs, your either in the midst of a storm, coming out of one, or one is nearing your path. It is representative of a constant series of battles based on achievements and failures. Within each of us lies a constant war, some are bigger than others, but that does not necessarily mean they are in any way more significant.  It is when we are in the midst of a storm that our principles are put to the test, how we carry ourselves speaks multitudes of our character. In our everyday complex decisions of life our daily habits tend to become our identity and we lean on consistency. The struggle is not to find an answer to every problem and catastrophe, but to find a sense of peace while in the heart of disaster.  Coping and adapting during times of hardship is a sign of a strong individual. The relation that all these aspects have in common combined is ...

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do I do. "                                                                                                                                                               -Romans  7:15 Have you ever had a goal that seems to end unsuccessful, or a desire to better yourself, only to find that you willingly commit acts that result in your own failure? There are definitely a few things on my agenda that keep getting moved forward thanks to my "never give up" attitude. One goal of mine in particular is my deep des...