My thoughts and dreams,...

One could pretend to care,... intent is there,... but where is the compassion,.. where has that tenderness gone? What is the meaning behind it all? If it is not heartfelt and genuine is it even worth the effort? How must one continue on in despair,.. to lose a love and go on knowing,... or to walk blindly, but not just any kind of blindness, intent blindness, a knowing blindness where eyes are tightly sealed. Is pretending as bad as dishonesty or omission.....? What has happened to want to see through the blindness, yet fear takes hold,. Could I ever be so bold? One day there will be no morrow to make up for the past,... one day there will only be storms and sorrow. In my foreboding mind I only see darkness... A deceiver of honesty, a liar of qualities, a charmer of good, a pretender of motions, an omitter of the truth,... What shall one continue to present? What shall one choose to perceive? Fake truths or true lies,... only time will tell,... As we all ...

I've come to a fork in the road, my heart is corrupted. I'm losing myself once again,  i f ever my life has been challenging it has been these past few years... I always feel myself slipping away and it's then that I start feeling down. I know people often feel uncomfortable when confronted with anything unpleasant, I mean it's human nature. So many thoughts go through my mind, many of them unpleasant, it is because of this reason I have not published much of my writing in these past years. This year that's changing, I will say what I mean and with intent. I figure nobody really reads much anymore,  why bother censoring my unread words. Over the years I have written many words, but have not shared many thoughts. Writing has always been my strongest form of expression, like running I feel it just comes naturally. There's so many things happening, I have so many goals, I started running in August. I'm not going to stop anytime soon...and so with my writin...

I often describe my depression as the fog, I hide from the sun, love rainy days and awe at the sight of the beautiful night sky.. Sometimes the thought of breathing is necessary,  only because I forget to do it involuntarily. I lose my breath in moments of over burden, stress, heartache, hurt or rejection and I must remember to breathe. In my lifetime I've had my share of storms - dark, violent, cold places you think you will never return from, storms that sweep you away and change the way you see the world, storms so full of nightmares you sometimes forget, but only to help ease the constant battle in your mind.. Only I haven't actually forgotten it seems, more like written it in invisible ink only to be revealed by the certain light, in that way it stays hidden. Storms come and  go and in that way storms are constant, like change. Our lives are a series of seasons and change, in it there is a time for everything. I admit I personally have not been wise with my time, I...