My thoughts and dreams,...

I found some baby panthers one day while walking in the beautiful outside. They were hungry so I fed them and they seemed scared. Scared and lonely enough to follow me so I let them. They were very loving and kind, eager to be loved the two of them. They followed me home and became like members of our family, for how long I'm not too sure but we did everything together, my children and our two beautiful panthers.The house we were in seemed so tiny at first almost congested like we were in a small old fashioned van. Then one day as we were all sleeping I heard one scrambling so I opened the door and he seemed afraid to exit so I gave him a tiny, okay a kinda big push. After I pushed the kitty/panther out I realized it was no longer as small as before. In fact it was huge in a gigantic way, almost colossal it seemed before me. I finally became clear to me that this was not the same baby panther I found and loved so. This panther was the momma, she was very aware of my presence a

I can not sleep, my heart hurts too badly. I lay awake thinking endlessly into the morning hours. Sometimes I think of everything I have yet to do, or the bills to pay. Most times I replay all the mistakes Ive made throughout the day. Sometimes I replay a mistake over and over.. I feel my light weakening, dying out, fading, I am broken. I wish I were stronger. I wish I werent losing what little of me is left, I am a shell! A hollow ball of emptiness and pain. Thinking is my nemesis and procrastination has become my worst enemy. I have countless regrets yet I continue to make mistakes. I lose everything that is dear to me and it tears me apart. Life has become a foreboding memory, I am ashes from the fire, the wind sweeps me away into nothingness, I feel scattered! Time has waged a war that kills us all. I want to go home but I dont want to leave my hearts, what will they remember? What songs will remind them of me? Will they be mad at me? Will they love me? Will they know truly,