My thoughts and dreams,...

Sometimes love can be so cold, Our courage can only be so bold.... My heart hurts, the pain’s too much to hold... It’s often overbearing, my hearts heavy, I try to remain steady, I remember clearly that day, It had to unfold... So much had happened, So much untold... The guy who did it was evil, his soul was sold... She was taken from I without a goodbye, She’ll never get old... I’ll continue but still I’ll cry, Never consoled... We used to be under the same stars, The sun and the moon were the lights of our world.. We were together, we had one another... My sister in heaven was taken away. #MMIW #NoMoreMissingSisters

One could pretend to care,... intent is there,... but where is the compassion,.. where has that tenderness gone? What is the meaning behind it all? If it is not heartfelt and genuine is it even worth the effort? How must one continue on in despair,.. to lose a love and go on knowing,... or to walk blindly, but not just any kind of blindness, intent blindness, a knowing blindness where eyes are tightly sealed. Is pretending as bad as dishonesty or omission.....? What has happened to want to see through the blindness, yet fear takes hold,. Could I ever be so bold? One day there will be no morrow to make up for the past,... one day there will only be storms and sorrow. In my foreboding mind I only see darkness... A deceiver of honesty, a liar of qualities, a charmer of good, a pretender of motions, an omitter of the truth,... What shall one continue to present? What shall one choose to perceive? Fake truths or true lies,... only time will tell,... As we all ...

I've come to a fork in the road, my heart is corrupted. I'm losing myself once again,  i f ever my life has been challenging it has been these past few years... I always feel myself slipping away and it's then that I start feeling down. I know people often feel uncomfortable when confronted with anything unpleasant, I mean it's human nature. So many thoughts go through my mind, many of them unpleasant, it is because of this reason I have not published much of my writing in these past years. This year that's changing, I will say what I mean and with intent. I figure nobody really reads much anymore,  why bother censoring my unread words. Over the years I have written many words, but have not shared many thoughts. Writing has always been my strongest form of expression, like running I feel it just comes naturally. There's so many things happening, I have so many goals, I started running in August. I'm not going to stop anytime soon...and so with my writin...

To love and be loved... I've been falling for some time now.. I knew from the start, like a shadow to the light, we belong together forevermore.. A love like ours can only be found in once opon a times, without reason or rhyme... I promise to love you for all of my time🖤 I simply want to be with you, to live, to laugh, to grow,  Through anything and everything I want you and only you, there by my side! I want to love you deeply to learn you inside out your fears your dreams your wildest desires.. I want to love you with intent, to prosper, to build and grow a castle of our own together. I want you there for the laughter, I want you there for the tears, I want you there for all the years, to enjoy the most beautiful days and weather the darkest of storms...  I never want to be without you 🖤 That is the way I want to love you into eternity, with you always by my side.

I often describe my depression as the fog, I hide from the sun, love rainy days and awe at the sight of the beautiful night sky.. Sometimes the thought of breathing is necessary,  only because I forget to do it involuntarily. I lose my breath in moments of over burden, stress, heartache, hurt or rejection and I must remember to breathe. In my lifetime I've had my share of storms - dark, violent, cold places you think you will never return from, storms that sweep you away and change the way you see the world, storms so full of nightmares you sometimes forget, but only to help ease the constant battle in your mind.. Only I haven't actually forgotten it seems, more like written it in invisible ink only to be revealed by the certain light, in that way it stays hidden. Storms come and  go and in that way storms are constant, like change. Our lives are a series of seasons and change, in it there is a time for everything. I admit I personally have not been wise with my time, I...

Vast and uncharted.. I cant remember the last time when my first thought wasn't of you ... Im loving each moment of loving you,  my heart is no longer confused...  If my heart were a bomb,  youd be the light to the fuse Love you so much i so not want to lose you If it comes down to a choice you know it is you, know I am not trying to amuse,  Im so fuckin tired of the thought of getting used...

I found some baby panthers one day while walking in the beautiful outside. They were hungry so I fed them and they seemed scared. Scared and lonely enough to follow me so I let them. They were very loving and kind, eager to be loved the two of them. They followed me home and became like members of our family, for how long I'm not too sure but we did everything together, my children and our two beautiful panthers.The house we were in seemed so tiny at first almost congested like we were in a small old fashioned van. Then one day as we were all sleeping I heard one scrambling so I opened the door and he seemed afraid to exit so I gave him a tiny, okay a kinda big push. After I pushed the kitty/panther out I realized it was no longer as small as before. In fact it was huge in a gigantic way, almost colossal it seemed before me. I finally became clear to me that this was not the same baby panther I found and loved so. This panther was the momma, she was very aware of my presence a...