My thoughts and dreams,...

Deep Breaths, heart still beating... Life is too short to not inhale the life that's meant for you,... I woke up this morning with running on my mind,.. I didn't want to get out of bed, but there was so much in my head. Everything around me is changing, inside and out of my heart and home,  chaotic at times but my heart still beats.

May 23, 2020 I got lost today in the bosque but I wasn’t alone. It was scary because there was a realization that I have no control. A feeling of helplessness and a loss of direction. It’s silly to think that had I not had a destination in mind, I would never had been able to claim being lost to begin with. The brush was thickening all around as we navigated through paths barely seen yet very much felt I found myself losing things along the way, this revelation did not arrive until later. When it finally came time to cross a water path, it was here that I found myself running into harm's way, he told me to be careful but I guess I couldn't help myself. I got a cut as I made a path for those behind me in my care, after that first cut more cuts came all on one hand because I finally realized my hand was bleeding. It was a thorn bush of a tree that got its repayment to me for interrupting his serene homestead of solace, broken with my mere presence. I squeezed my ...

Tomorrow’s today is never promised. A day of age where everyone is quarantined A sickness is spreading Tomorrow’s not guaranteed Fear flows faster as each day grows  People in their hearts, they go cold It no longer matters if your young or old, People are losing self control Guns blazing all around, Helicopters heard from the ground Government continues to tell white lies Children are still hungry, nobody hears their cries Body counts are rising, Nobody can stop the pain.

A blank screen another thought. Headspace is a reflection of my imperfection, Can’t seem to get it straight. I want to scream and shout my anger, sometimes I wish my sun would set. Instead I sit and wonder why as a tear rolls down my eye... Can’t ever let them see me cry. Can’t seem to maintain, everything done in vain it seems, I try to explain but I’m nothing but a walking mistake. When will I break? Life isn’t a such piece of cake, how much will it take, everything’s at stake. Trying to get some peace of mind,... Positivity and encouragement, are my crime Negativity only brings me down feels like I’m drowning Trying not to wear this frown, remembering along the way  to śtraighten my crown.. I know I say can't alot, but in retrospect I can And I will overcome 🖤

When  my heart is broken, it could be like the ocean... Living in this age, we’re  like animals caged. Everything is staged, can’t look past the rage. I see with my eyes until everything’s hazed, til I’m forced to see everything blurry as if in ablaze. Not seeing clearly, not thinking right. Everything I’ve known has been taken from sight. Like being indigenous all over again,.. this time the whole country is holding my hand. Were walking together, together alone... Surviving each day in a new world unknown. A country in debt, run on lies and regrets, stories untold as the repercussions unfold. So full of schemes, running out of means, a recipe for disaster, what’s to come after? Sending us cash, the silence before the storm, Will we be once more conformed... Distractions while conducting interactions has always been the master plan,.. the lots of masses could never understand, so they send you money and people are dying, America's in tears, the electio...

He doesnt know what it means when I gave him my love. I could look into his eyes and see the stars, I wasn't afraid,  I could speak my words into his heart. Then one day it all went away, our hearts drifted astray.  I used to yearn to tell him everything,  share my goals, my dreams, my aspirations. It's faded now, I have no reason to tell.

🖤So much to say and no idea where to start. We’ll just say this is a message from the heart. Every year it seems we fall closer apart. Who are we, who are even you and I? Our identity has been ostracized, throughout the ages our bloodline has been degraded. I’ve read of revolutions, disillusions, confusions and heartache. Everything about this country's history remains a mystery to me. Why do they believed you can own people, land, and everything to be for the taking? They claim to have found us? Even though we were never lost. Our ancestors knew there would be a cost, now look at all that is truly lost.. the water is polluted, species have become extinct, our atmosphere is globally warming, there’s talk of a WWIII. Our people, our homes,  our culture and language have constantly been raided. Nonody talks about the native segregation or the attempted genocide.  Savage is what my bloodline has been labeled, a reason to take our sacred lands, all at a co...

My world shakes, Heart aches.. Feeling like my life's  An earthquake... Negativity clouds my vision, Can't seem to make a decision. Im being attacked,  Won't cut me no slack,  Everything's my fault,  It's a verbal assault, Tears stream down my face,  Nobody will ever know, My heart continues  To grow  Cold.

Sometimes love can be so cold, Our courage can only be so bold.... My heart hurts, the pain’s too much to hold... It’s often overbearing, my hearts heavy, I try to remain steady, I remember clearly that day, It had to unfold... So much had happened, So much untold... The guy who did it was evil, his soul was sold... She was taken from I without a goodbye, She’ll never get old... I’ll continue but still I’ll cry, Never consoled... We used to be under the same stars, The sun and the moon were the lights of our world.. We were together, we had one another... My sister in heaven was taken away. #MMIW #NoMoreMissingSisters

One could pretend to care,... intent is there,... but where is the compassion,.. where has that tenderness gone? What is the meaning behind it all? If it is not heartfelt and genuine is it even worth the effort? How must one continue on in despair,.. to lose a love and go on knowing,... or to walk blindly, but not just any kind of blindness, intent blindness, a knowing blindness where eyes are tightly sealed. Is pretending as bad as dishonesty or omission.....? What has happened to want to see through the blindness, yet fear takes hold,. Could I ever be so bold? One day there will be no morrow to make up for the past,... one day there will only be storms and sorrow. In my foreboding mind I only see darkness... A deceiver of honesty, a liar of qualities, a charmer of good, a pretender of motions, an omitter of the truth,... What shall one continue to present? What shall one choose to perceive? Fake truths or true lies,... only time will tell,... As we all ...

I've come to a fork in the road, my heart is corrupted. I'm losing myself once again,  i f ever my life has been challenging it has been these past few years... I always feel myself slipping away and it's then that I start feeling down. I know people often feel uncomfortable when confronted with anything unpleasant, I mean it's human nature. So many thoughts go through my mind, many of them unpleasant, it is because of this reason I have not published much of my writing in these past years. This year that's changing, I will say what I mean and with intent. I figure nobody really reads much anymore,  why bother censoring my unread words. Over the years I have written many words, but have not shared many thoughts. Writing has always been my strongest form of expression, like running I feel it just comes naturally. There's so many things happening, I have so many goals, I started running in August. I'm not going to stop anytime soon...and so with my writin...

To love and be loved... I've been falling for some time now.. I knew from the start, like a shadow to the light, we belong together forevermore.. A love like ours can only be found in once opon a times, without reason or rhyme... I promise to love you for all of my time🖤 I simply want to be with you, to live, to laugh, to grow,  Through anything and everything I want you and only you, there by my side! I want to love you deeply to learn you inside out your fears your dreams your wildest desires.. I want to love you with intent, to prosper, to build and grow a castle of our own together. I want you there for the laughter, I want you there for the tears, I want you there for all the years, to enjoy the most beautiful days and weather the darkest of storms...  I never want to be without you 🖤 That is the way I want to love you into eternity, with you always by my side.